


Wrong Text

by panda_shi



Series: The Wrong Moves [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Cute, Dorks, Dorks in Love, First Dates, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Violence, M/M, Meet-Cute, Modern Era, Please Help Yamato, Pre-Relationship, Sexual Tension, Stupidity, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_shi/pseuds/panda_shi
Summary: Tenzou gets to know Iruka more and tells everyone it's just dinners. Every wednesday. For three months. Until he gets told to man up and just ask the guy on a date already.
Relationships: Umino Iruka/Yamato | Tenzou
Series: The Wrong Moves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104614
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Wrong Text

**Author's Note:**

> Self beta'd.

Tenzou had a colossal problem.

A problem that comes in the shape of one Umino Iruka who, at the moment, is seated across from him in a small table, a steaming cup of matcha-cappucino before him along with a slice of orange cheesecake, an elbow propped on the table and his chin resting on his palm, brown eyes that are framed by long, thick lashes focusing past the glass pane of the window at the sidewalk, where just beyond the cozy, warm café, it had started to drizzle. Spring is like that in the small city of Konoha; being in the eastern area of Fire and tucked in the middle of a forest, they get more rainfall than Fire’s capital. The drops come steady and soft, falling from a sky of white velvet. All around them, despite the towering buildings of concrete, glass and metal, a true metropolis, is greenery that takes on a darker tinge now that they are wet from the rain.

Iruka seems to appreciating it, something distant in his gaze as his fingers wrap around the handle of his cup, lifting it from the saucer before he takes a careful, savoring sip of his beverage. Tenzou hears a soft hum. The kind that sounds pleased.

And Tenzou, without fail, realizes that he’s staring on like a creeper.

All he needs, at this point, is an RV, a shady moustache and some sort of yellow tinged aviator glasses to complete the look. And a fanny pack, maybe.

Tenzou cheeks heat up as he realizes what he’s doing, quickly snapping his attention away like he’s been burned. Which results in him grappling for his own cup of coffee, making a bit of a clattering noise because of course – but _of course_ – he had to be a bit clumsy in the wake of someone quite attractive. Iruka is something very _nice_ to look at. Not that Tenzou didn’t notice before. He did, after all, notice the curve of Iruka’s ass.

(Mizuki was either a complete idiot or had brain damage to cheat on someone this attractive.)

The noise and bumbling, unfortunately, makes Iruka look at Tenzou, something a little softer, perhaps a little kind, too, touching the corners of his eyes. It softens Iruka, makes him look almost ethereal with the backdrop of the overhead yellow slightly dim ceiling lights and raining backdrop of their city.

“So about—“

“Let me—“

They speak at the same time and end up chuckling at each other. Tenzou motions for Iruka to speak first, this time properly picking up his coffee cup and taking a sip that didn’t include staining his shirt, spilling over himself, or worse, making more clattering noises. The chair he’s sitting in is a little small for a man of his size. As is the table. Tenzou feels gargantuan in the almost made-for-tiny-people space, whilst Iruka looks right at home, all lean lines and pretty hair, and now, an even prettier smile.

Gods, Tenzou thinks to himself, as Iruka launches into an apologizing spiel about the whole wrong and angry texting thing. When was the last time he had even gone out on something social like this? Tenzou vaguely recalls an izakaya sort of casual dinner with Kakashi some months ago. Kakashi who somehow ended up making it into the fire fighter’s academy having been honorably discharged way earlier than Tenzou. Tenzou knows what a dense schedule it must be; he’s seen the course outline. Tenzou hasn’t gone on anything social since that dinner. Does a team-building exercise at Mos Burger at the local fair count?

“I mean,” Iruka continues, making Tenzou take another sip and focus on the present. “I don’t usually do these things. I know it sounds silly, what with you having been on the receiving end of my drunk and encouraged by horrible friends to give my ex a piece of my mind.” Iruka pauses long enough to _stab_ his fork into his poor orange cheesecake. “I went through that entire exchange and honestly, you really didn’t deserve that. I am a little ashamed to call myself a teacher. Not my proudest moment.”

Tenzou blinks and watches Iruka shovel a very large chunk of his cheesecake into his pouting mouth. It’s a nice mouth. Aaaaaaaand he’s staring again.

Right. Okay.

He should say something that isn’t related to Iruka’s mouth. Or ass. Or hair. Or, well Iruka.

So the most logical thing to ask about is, “Smelly armpits, though?”

Tenzou may have internally wheezed at that - _really? Smelly armpits, really? Of all things? Why not just ask him about the small dick accusation too, while you're at it?!_

“Oh gods.” Iruka buries his face in his hands. “You know it’s bad form to speak of others in such a horrible way and a part of me doesn’t want to. But you’ve heard every bit of the surface things that I, after many years, have learned is not a great thing. Yes, smelly armpits. My ex was one of those people who doesn’t believe in the use of deodorant. I could never figure out if it was just a lazy thing, a chemical thing, or just a confidence thing. I have given up trying to figure that out. But yes. Like left-out-in-the-open chopped yellow onions, bad.”

Tenzou _flinches_. Yeah, he knows that smell, all right. He works in a burger joint. Those yellow onions, once exposed can stink up an entire room if not used or consumed immediately. “That sounds really unsanitary.”

“There were a lot of things about him that were unsanitary; now that I’ve put distance between myself and him, I realize just how I was just letting a lot of things slide that were not okay,” Iruka _sighs_ , a bit of a sad expression that darkens his entire features crossing his face. It dulls him like a dying star, when Iruka seems to be the kind of person who exhumes such positive energy, a warm aura.

Tenzou doesn’t want to judge but if a memory about Mizuki can make Iruka look like that for just a few fleeting seconds, how the hell did Iruka look like while he was actually _with_ Mizuki?

“You know, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had to go through so much,” Tenzou offers, meaning it. “You seem like a good guy. And good guys deserve better treatment.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” Iruka says, a dimple winking in Tenzou’s direction as Iruka picks up his coffee to take a sip. “Apology accepted?” Iruka asks, sheepishly, tentatively.

“Accepted,” Tenzou nods. “Hey, I got free coffee. And I got to meet someone like you.” The flush that suddenly blooms on Iruka’s cheeks makes Tenzou’s cool fly right out the window, bounce on the street and roll pathetically down the gutter into the drain. “I mean, like I said, you seem like a nice guy…”

What a fail save. Tenzou brings a hand up to rub the back of his head.

This is why he prefers the military. There is order and simple understanding that isn’t at all like this whole… civilian thing. And nice people thing. Tenzou is lucky to have ended up in a part time job at Mos Burger where there is minimal interaction. Having grown up most of his life in the military and special ops, they don’t exactly provide crash course on how to integrate into society. The only thing Tenzou had an understanding of when it comes to society is that he must defend it and obey his chain of command for the safety and protection of his people.

Iruka blushing means he’s embarrassed. Which makes sense. Special ops missions and undercover work has given Tenzou great experience in handling interactions and reading people for the sake of the mission. But not so much when the command and mission parameters are non existent, apparently. He’s not exactly on a mission here. He’s on an I-am-sorry-for-yelling-at-you-text-meeting. Thing. Apology, whatever. Thing. Tenzou isn’t sure what this is now that it’s simply something for himself.

This social thing is hard when it isn’t a mission.

And it’s not like he had a goal in mind when he agreed to this. He just wanted the yelly-texts to stop so he can read his gossip column in peace!

“You don’t seem so bad yourself, Tenzou-san,” Iruka murmurs.

“Ah...” Tenzou rubs the back of his head again, knowing that he looks disarming when he does this. What did Kakashi call it? Oh right. Farmer boy next door sort of vibe - Tenzou never understood why Kakashi called him a farmer boy of all things. “You think so? I don’t get out much. My last relationship was my military team. So I really wouldn’t know what’s bad or good. Except for yellow onions. Those I do know. And they’re terrible.”

Iruka laughs a little, soft and warm, quite open as he grins behind a hand. “You can tell me a little bit about yourself, if you want. Let me know how a patient guy like you tolerated _all_ of those texts. Normal people would have just blocked the number.”

Huh. Why didn’t he think of that?

“But then I wouldn’t have met you,” Tenzou smoothly responds, watching as Iruka’s cheeks paints an interesting shade of red. It's cute.

“Right…” Iruka clears his throat, licking his lower lips. “How about I start, then? Hi, I’m Umino Iruka. I teach at Konoha Kindergarten, I am actually underpaid for my job but still love it anyway. I wish to one day save up enough to complete more courses and further studies so I can teach middle-school and I just got out of a not-so-positive-and-healthy relationship. I like onsens, and ramen because it’s wholesome and a great one bowl dish and mostly anything that's sweet - like patries! I hate liars, cheats and fried rice. It’s never just made right.”

This reminds Tenzou of those speed-dating introductions he’s seen on his TV dramas.

But it’s concise and to the point.

He can do this.

“Tenzou, I am an orphan and grew up in the military. I like the military. I like the system, the chain of command and its lack of complicated culture. I was honorably discharged a few months ago and I am currently awaiting enrollment at the Fire Fighting Academy for the courses that is specific for someone of my experience. Which unfortunately means I have to wait till the new fall semester. I am, at the moment, employed at Mos Burger and I make a lot of bread.”

Tenzou manages to say all that in the straightest, most serious face he can muster. It works too, because Iruka’s face sort of fumbles with his reaction to take the statement seriously or to wonder if Tenzou is making fun of him. In the end, Iruka’s face settles to something that looks like he’s taking Tenzou’s introduction seriously, a furrow of understanding (or comprehension, Tenzou isn’t sure) settling between his brows.

“It’s always good to acquire new skills,” Iruka acknowledges. “You must be very skilled at kneading buns.”

Iruka’s face is also very serious.

Tenzou is impressed. Especially when he has to summon every ounce of his training, his field and rank experience in ANBU and as a commander to just not grin. His tongue presses firmly against the back of his teeth, as he blinks and also very seriously responds with, “You could say that. You should try it sometime.”

Tenzou means the burger. Honestly. He does. They’re very good burgers. And it is a known fact on Zomato that Mos Burgers have the best, buttery and chewy bread there is, which further amplifies the flavor of their juicy in-house prepared burger patties!

“Your buns?” Iruka prompts, one dimple dotting his cheek, as he tilts his head just the tiniest bit in question. His eyes, however, Tenzou notices, are glimmering with amusement, just as a bit of red dusts over his cheeks. “I bet they’re magnificent.”

“Our customers melt,” Tenzou adds, nodding. “Because they’re so good.”

“Wow.” Iruka nods slowly, the flush brushing down the curve of his neck, and disappearing past the first open button of his polo shirt. “I’m sure they do.”

Somehow, Tenzou is sure they’re no longer talking about the burger buns at this point.

So he goes for broke. Seeing as Iruka is quite a pleasant person.

“Come by sometime. I can hook you up,” Tenzou offers.

“With your kneading skills and buns that melt your customers?” Iruka prompts.

“Absolutely.” Tenzou nods. “Not to toot my own horn, but it is the best.”

“I’ll bet,” Iruka _grins_ , looking suddenly devilishly beautiful with that roguish and cheeky expression. It makes Tenzou duck his head a little bit, to just hide his own grin as he picks up his coffee cup to take a long over due sip. It’s practically lukewarm at this point.

“So what kind of hooking up are we talking about here? Is it a good discount?” Iruka asks, swirling his coffee a bit in his cup. “You know, I’m just a poor kindergarten teacher…”

“I’ll make sure to hook you up real good then,” Tenzou points out. “We have to take care of our educators. They are responsible for our future generations, after all.”

“Sweet talker,” Iruka grumbles, rolling his eyes, even though the flush doesn’t recede.

“Is it working?” Tenzou prompts, surprised that he’s actually having a very good time in this double entendre of a conversation. But seriously, Mos Burgers is the best. And he really did get better at making those burger buns. Tenzou still remembers his first attempt at making bread. He over kneaded the dough so much that the bread rose a little much due to having a lot of air in the dough that the buns resembled like a pair of tits smushed together. Or balls. It really depends on who is looking. The owner had laughed herself sick, and instead of throwing the buns out, she bagged them and distributed them to her employees to take home. Tenzou ate very fluffy buns for breakfast for the next three days, thanks to his fingers.

“I can be convinced by your skills in bun kneading, sure,” Iruka agrees, nodding slowly.

“Then swing by. We’re off fourth street on Tea Avenue. Orange sign. You can’t miss it; there’s always a line outside. But come out back and ask for me,” Tenzou says, setting his empty cup down.

“Oh we’re going through the backdoor,” Iruka arches an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that where all the fun is?” Tenzou tips his chin up, blinking very seriously.

“So I’m told,” Iruka responds after a very long pause, before he lowers his gaze and rubs the corner of his scar with a finger. “I’ll definitely take you up on your offer, then…”

“I look forward to it.” Tenzou punctuates the statement with a bit of a lopsided smile, just as his ego preens like a proud peacock at Iruka sort of fumbling with setting down his coffee cup on the saucer, the flush burning brighter on his cheeks.

Okay.

It would seem that Tenzou is not so bad at this social thing after all. This is pretty easy.

*

**I had a good time this afternoon. Thank you for being pleasant company.**

The message is followed by what looks like a happy smiling egg who seems to be cheering.

Tenzou stares at the text message for a long time, pausing his meal that is basically a convenience store dinner. He had a good time too, if he’s being honest. Amusing but not at all a bad time. He shovels a mouthful of spinach and rice into his mouth, sets his chopsticks down and responds.

**Same here, Umino Iruka. I had a good time. Do come by Mos Burgers sometime. My offer was serious.**

An egg giving a thumbs up pops up and nothing more.

Tenzou never uses any of the animated emoticon packages. He stares at the animated egg repeatedly giving a thumbs up sign, scrolls to the bottom, opens his options and downloads the least colorful thing he can find. He isn’t sure if the black creature with three spikes on its head is a black duckling or a penguin – he goes with the latter. 

Tenzou finds the thumbs up sign and sends it.

He doesn’t realize how he sits there waiting for another egg emoticon to pop up. He might have sad faced a little bit when no egg comes.

*

That is, until one day, a week later, Tenzou is summoned from the kitchen, where he is elbow deep into kneading that day’s batch of burger buns for the evening crowd, flour splatters all over his apron and maybe just a little bit on his forearms, chin and jaw. He is wiping his hands on his apron, frowning, wondering if maybe it’s Amazon with his latest book order. Except the gust of cool spring wind that blows past the open backdoor is accompanied by surprise to find one Umino Iruka, standing there in pressed dark gray pants, an untucked white shirt, a thin black pullover and a pair of brown shoes. Iruka had his satchel strap around his chest and shoulder, hands tucked into his pockets when he turns to look at Tenzou, eyes wide and ponytail billowing in the alley breeze. There is a smile on his lips that are rosier than normal. Iruka was chewing on them earlier before they had tugged up to a smile.

Why is Iruka standing by the backdoor?

Oh.

Right.

_Right!_

Oh gods.

Iruka actually came to the backdoor!

“Uh,” Tenzou intelligently greets, a little self conscious in his joggers, flour stained apron and t-shirt.

“Bad time? I can go—“

“No!” Tenzou half shouts startling Iruka enough that he takes just a quarter step back. “I mean, sorry, I was—yeah.” Tenzou suddenly feels even more self conscious than seconds ago now, when Iruka looks lovely, so put together, so pretty-faced and handsome and all of those nice words.

While he looks like a bum. Why did he even get butter on his shirt sleeve? Who gets butter on their sleeve?!

“Kneading buns?” Iruka offers, kind and patient.

He really is so wonderful.

(Mizuki is an idiot.)

"Yeah..." Tenzou sighs, his shoulders slumping in defeat. There's no way to make this look better.

“I did text,” Iruka offers.

Tenzou quickly pulls out his phone and sure enough, there is a text message from Iruka, complete with a waving egg emoticon.

**Remember me? The yelly-texter? I’ll pass by today for an early dinner.**

Tenzou suddenly feels like the world’s most ill prepared, failed former ANBU operative. All the blood from his head drops to the ground, pooling somewhere under the soles of his comfortable sneakers, as he casually slips the phone back to his pocket when he really wants to toss it into the dumpster. Where it belongs. What is the point of owning a phone if he's not going to pay attention to it when important messages from cute, nice and sweet kindergarten teachers come in?! That's right. Zero value phone!

“Oh I thought, you meant a new message, other than what you already sent…” Tenzou responds. Really? Really? Is that the best you can do? Are you an idiot? Tenzou rubs the back of his head, clearing his throat.

“You must be so busy. I saw the line out front. You know, this must be a very terrible time to meet. I’ll just—“

“You seem like a Swiss mushroom kind of guy,” Tenzou’s mouth suddenly farts, cutting off Iruka’s apologetic and about-to-leave spiel. “I’m guessing?” Tenzou adds sheepishly.

“Uh, well, I suppose?” Iruka answers, looking uncertain.

“How do you like your meat?” Tenzou asks, already thinking of what sides to accompany the meal he genuinely want to treat Iruka with.

“Thick, big and juicy?” Iruka _blurts_ , and covers his mouth with a fist, also clearing his throat.

Tenzou could swear he can hear his own dick sing hymns.

He swears it twitches in his boxers, too, as if raising its proverbial hands to say, _hey that’s us!_

Not that Tenzou is deluded about his dick size. He knows his sausage is of the thick, long and extremely too big for no reason other than being too big. He remembers how bad puberty had been, how he woke up with a totem pole sticking up in the middle of his blanket, in the military barracks of all places and how there had been no way to conceal and not feel any of his throbbing length once it decides to rise to the occasion, so to speak. It was hard having a long ding-dong when you’re skinny, underweight and struggling to buff up and keep up in the military.

Now is not the time for his schlong to make a commentary. Really, please, no. Not at work, not when he’s in joggers and not in front of Iruka. _Please._

Feeling a corner of his eye twitch, Tenzou manages to stammer out a soft _please wait here_ , before he hightails the fuck out of the backdoor threshold. He desperately makes a grab for whatever Swiss cheese burger that is ready on the serving counter, tells the assembly line that he’s taking one pronto and going on break, fills a cup with their cherry soda, grabs a serving of potato poppers, packs it all in a nice box and grabs himself a cup of tea.

Before stopping dead by door and giving his armpit a bit of a sniff.

Yeah.

No way.

He asks if anyone has a can of Axe lying around. Someone decides to not be a useless person and offers his can from his backpack. Which Tenzou sprays. Liberally. He even sprays a little bit under his shirt, chest and ass area just to be sure. He’ll buy Aoba another can or something. He gives his armpit another sniff and is pleased to discover than he doesn’t smell like a sweaty dumpster.

For good measure, he changes his t-shirt too. Good thing he keeps a spare in the locker.

When he steps out with a pair of foldable stools, Iruka is scrolling through his phone and looks up with a pleasant expression.

“There’s a spot on the rooftop or we can just stay here?” Tenzou offers, holding up the plastic foldable stools.

“Here’s fine, Tenzou-san,” Iruka says, tucking his phone away, his smile just a touch warmer.

*

Iruka gobbles up his burger a lot quicker after the first bite, cheeks puffing out, tongue licking burger juice and sauce from the corner of his lip and stuffing potato poppers into his mouth in between sips of cherry soda. Iruka makes appreciative noises in his throat, singing high praise at Tenzou, things like, _wow this is amazing,_ and _I don’t think I’ve ever had a burger this good before_ , and _why did I never come here before_ , and concluding with, _must have been the long line._

Iruka suddenly stops and wipes his mouth a napkin, flushing when he clears his throat as Tenzou tells himself, or rather, _reminds himself_ , that Iruka is not a porn-star for him to be staring at this way. He is not a being to be objectified, although he would make a great subject to be objectified. Tenzou presses his knees a little closer together just as the thought of Iruka’s lips wrapping around his meat comes to mind; his throat can make all those appreciative noises too, his cheeks flushing like it is now and—yeah, Tenzou, you’re a fucking creep.

It’s a _burger_ for fuck’s sake.

Get a grip!

“Sorry. I’m such a slob.” Iruka says, after swallowing a particularly large bite.

Tenzou bets Iruka would look good swallowing his cum, too. Maybe a bit of a facial on that pretty face.

Oh-kay.

“The boss will be happy to know that this is your reaction to her secret recipe,” Tenzou awkwardly says, willing the heat around his ears and neck to disappear. Of course, it doesn’t. When has anything about his body ever listen to his command, anyway? “I’m glad you liked it.”

“So how much do I owe you?” Iruka asks, finishing the last of his burger.

“Please, no,” Tenzou says, shaking his head. “My offer was serious. My treat.”

“Well, okay, but I insist that I treat you back! I may be underpaid but I do not feel comfortable taking advantage of your generous nature, Tenzou-san!” Iruka says.

“You treated me for coffee.” Tenzou shrugs.

“That was an apology-coffee.” Iruka frowns. “Let me take you to my favorite ramen spot. I guarantee you, you’re going to love it.”

“Oh,” Tenzou blinks, not expecting to be invited out again like this. His dick leaps at that, already twitching uncomfortably in his pants as he nods a little stiffly. “I like ramen?”

“Great! When would be a good time for you?” Iruka grins, crumpling the wrapper and dropping it into the box.

Tenzou had long evening shifts but he had the evening free on a Wednesday. “Wednesday night? I usually work long hours in the evenings on other days…”

“Wednesday’s great! I’ll pick you up here?” Iruka says, lips wrapping around the straw of his cherry soda.

“S-Sure...”

*

Tenzou remembers to pack clean clothes and deodorant for Wednesday. He even manages to bum a shower from his colleague’s place that’s across the street.

At exactly seven PM, Iruka’s text comes:

**I’m here. Backdoor.**

An waving egg follows.

Tenzou sends a thumbs-up penguin, grabs his backpack, gives himself a look over and tugs smooths a wrinkle on his polo shirt, purposely ignoring the eyebrow raise from his boss when he steps out of the backdoor.

Iruka wasn’t wrong.

Ichiraku ramen makes _fantastic_ ramen.

*

Owing each other meals becomes a _thing_.

They bounce back and forth whenever their timings align.

All Iruka had to do is text.

 **Do you like curry-rice?  
** Thinking egg emoticon.

 **It’s not something I’d pick off the menu.  
** Penguin shrug emoticon.

**Well, I would encourage you to try it. There’s this place called Rice Bowl, on the corner between Eighth and Seventh on Tea Avenue and they make amazing curry bowls. My treat! Still off on Wednesdays?**

**Yes. I’m off Wednesday evenings for the rest of the month. Meet you there?**

**Okay!**  
Thumbs-up egg emoticon.

 **See you there.**  
Waving penguin emoticon. **  
  
**Sometimes, their invitation tends to be quite whimsical. Iruka, Tenzou learns, is a slave to his own whims when it comes to meals.

 **I have a sudden craving for dumplings.**  
Crying egg emoticon.

 **I have not had dumplings in a long time. My favorite is Haru’s Izakaya.**  
Drooling penguin emoticon.

**Oh, I love Haru’s! Wanna go tomorrow? It’s Wednesday?  
  
I mean, only if you’re free that is!**

**Don’t feel obligated to come along! I am still going, anyway!  
** A bowing apologetically egg emoticon.

 **I’ll meet you there then. Usual time!**  
A waving penguin emoticon.

  
 **See you then!**  
A waving egg emoticon.

*

Another thing that becomes very, _very_ frequent, other than their dinners together exploring Konoha’s generous food street and cuisines that is, is Tenzou masturbating to many and _all_ of Iruka’s expressions. Iruka smiling, Iruka laughing, Iruka looking at him, Iruka slurping noodles, Iruka biting into bread – really, there must be something wrong with him if he can cum like a prepubescent teenager, his hand filled with generous, copious amount of cum based on Iruka eating food.

It’s a little shameful.

But there he is, stroking himself madly, desperately, his cock thick and heavy with blood before he comes with a hiss under the spray of the hot shower, abdominals contracting, muscles flexing as he plants a palm on the tiled wall, sighing with relief as orgasm washes over him, the sound of Iruka’s voice saying the syllables of his name fading somewhere to a soft whisper somewhere in the back of his head.

Gods, he really is a creeper.

He should just grow the freaking moustache already.

This is stupid.

*

“Another date?” Tenzou’s boss asks.

“Date?” Tenzou looks up, pausing mid-zipping of his backpack.

“It’s been, what, three months? You’re always showering at Aoba’s on Wednesdays after your shift. You also smell like an Axe commercial. You’re overdoing it,” the boss says, crossing her arms under her breasts.

“I am?” Tenzou gives himself a tentative sniff. He smells good. Clean. What’s her problem?

The boss rolls her eyes and waves him off. “See you tomorrow, boy. Enjoy your date.”

“It’s just dinner…” Tenzou points out, sounding very much like a loser. Especially when he knows he’s going to beat his meat later because of said dinner.

Damn.

“Whatever you say,” the boss calls back.

Damnit, it is _not_ a date! It really is just dinner!

*

The whole dinner-not-date debacle begins to heavily weigh on Tenzou’s mind. The boss is not the only one who asks. One day, Aoba asks too. And even offers Tenzou advice on how to dress once. Denims with a button down shirt, tucked in with a belt and nice dress shoes or _clean_ white sneakers. Tenzou ends up buying a pair of white sneakers that night, which happens to be on sale so it had been a good deal.

He starts dressing a little nicer, trying to keep up with Iruka’s almost effortless casual or smart-casual if he’s coming directly from work, appeal. After the first five dinners, Tenzou stops wearing joggers to his dates, opting for dark wash denims instead. T-shirts gets upgraded to polo-shirts. Until one day, Aoba just randomly buys him a white shirt with tiny, barely visible dots printed all over it; Aoba demands Tenzou pays for it (without asking his permission to purchase said shirt, mind you) and saying you’re welcome all in one breath.

Tenzou had taken the shirt. It’s not like he had a choice.

But then, Iruka had looked at him all night.

Then again, Iruka is always looking at him. And he’s always looking at Iruka.

“Where are you going for your date this time?” Aoba asks, as Tenzou forks him some money for the new dark green shirt Aoba had bought him.

“It is not a date. It’s just dinner,” Tenzou says for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah. Okay. Look buddy, I know you’re a little dumb,” Aoba unabashedly says.

“Hey!”

“But this is stupid. That guy picks you up every Wednesday for the past three months looking nice and cute. _How_ is this not a date?” Aoba looks fed up. Why is he even fed up?

“It’s just dinner,” Tenzou insists, tugging out his phone and tossing it towards Aoba, who catches it with ease. “See for yourself.”

Aoba does. He scrolls through the conversation between Tenzou and Iruka alongside a plethora of egg and penguin emoticons. “Good gods. If this isn’t dating, then I dunno what is. Do you even like this guy?”

“He’s really nice.” Tenzou shrugs.

“Do you want to date him? Because, bro, you kinda’ are.” Aoba tosses the phone back.

“It is just dinner.” Tenzou really is getting tired of constantly repeating himself here.

“I should just change my question.” Aoba plops heavily on his lazy-boy. “You wanna fuck him?” Tenzou pointedly does _not_ answer that. Which is basically an answer because Aoba is one nosy busybody. Why can’t he just be quiet, continue to purchase Tenzou random shirts that makes Iruka look at him and let Tenzou use his shower? What the hell! “Ask him out, bro. He’ll say yes.”

Right…

*

That night, Tenzou spends the majority of it pacing his shoebox sized living room, waiting for a text from Iruka who almost always has something to share. Every night without fail. Sometimes they’re funny memes. Sometimes it’s a fat cat or a funny dog, or cute animals. Or sometimes it’s a stand up comedy routine that is so funny that Tenzou saves those videos for every time he needs a little bit of a pick-me-up.

He scrolls through the plethora of text messages, still pacing. He notices that it is always Iruka who initiates the conversation.

Maybe he should this time?

Tenzou types out a test message.

**Want to go out with me next Wednesday?**

It seems pretty harmless and casual; they will be going out in the literal sense. So Tenzou sends it.

The message gest marked as seen and Iruka begins to type a message.

A poor confused egg emoticon.  
 **Like go out together date?**

Tenzou drops his phone the moment he reads the message, scrambling to pick it up to read it again just to make sure. He types **yes** , his pacing quickening. Except, in that moment, he stubs his toe on the corner of his sofa, dropping his phone and cursing under his breath. He bends to rub his toe and pick up his phone only to go through cardiac arrest and asphyxiation like he’s just inhaled a toxic gas that’s been banned by the Geneva convention. Tenzou _chokes_. He sputters. He stares on with utter horror at the **yes** he had typed and had accidentally sent. A **yes** that has now been seen by Umino Iruka.

Oh no.

Oh gods, no.

But yes.

But also no.

_Fuck!_

Tenzou quickly switches applications, going on to his browser and desperately typing, _how to un-send a text message on Whatsapp without the other person knowing/noticing._

The search yields the same conclusive results. You cannot un-send or delete a message without the person noticing it’s been deleted after they’ve seen it. The message apparently, will read as “message deleted” – what is wrong with this world? Furthermore, what is wrong with developers? Don’t they know that sometimes, their users may not intend to send a message? That sometimes, stealth is required in order to preserve the nature of the relationship? And that in order to preserve that exact relationship, eliminating the coded message is the key? Do they just not think of this? Are these people uneducated, or something?

Tenzou’s phone pings.

Just as he lobs it with all his strength at the sofa cushion. Where it bounces once, twice and plops on the rug on the floor pathetically. Another ping sounds. And Tenzou decides that he is going to go take a piss instead. And take out the trash, too.

*

He doesn’t piss.

He also doesn’t take out the trash.

But he does end up kneeling there on the rug in his shoe box of a living room, picking up his phone and looking at it with his heart in his throat, his bladder squeezing dangerously (because he really should have taken a piss) and his stomach running in circles somewhere underneath his rock hard abs. Tenzou unlocks his phone, opens Whatsapp and promptly grows a lung tumor. From relief.

An egg with a heart looking in love emoticon.  
An egg that looks like it’s screaming, yes! emoticon.

The question now is what emoticon to return this enthusiastic and quite frankly, tumor inducing from nervous joy response.

Tenzou goes with:

Penguin giving a thumbs up sign emoticon.

And leaves it at that.

*

Except Tenzou wakes up in the middle of the night after a nightmare where he completely forgets about the date next Wednesday and Iruka dramatically turns away and runs off sobbing into the rainy sunset, heart broken, when Iruka should always be happy and deserves good things for being such a nice, funny, caring person.

Tenzou scrambles for his phone, looks at the date and time and realizes, like the sudden buffoon he’s turned into, that he didn’t provide Iruka a time and place.

Which then comes with its own slew of problems.

Where the hell does he take Iruka?

And what does he even wear?!

*

“Bro, just take him to a restaurant. Sushi or something. You’ve done this like a thousand times; what’s your issue?” Aoba looks fed up. “And I’m gonna start charging you for using my shower like this!”

“I’ll give you five hundred ryos per shower,” Tenzou says from where he’s crouched against the alley wall, a cup of steaming tea by his shoe.

“What? That’s it?” Aoba sounds incredulous.

“It’s half of what we make per hour. I take ten minutes to shower, tops. So it’s plenty,” Tenzou grumps, taking a sip of his tea.

“Fine.” Aoba grumps right back, dropping down to a crouch and adjusting his indoor and outdoor sunglasses that he never takes off, even when he’s assembling burgers. “Take him to sushi. Those things are romantic and sexy.”

Tenzou scoffs. “Who said that?” 

“It just is,” Aoba responds. “You know, I should charge you for advise.”

Tenzou ignores that completely. “What should I wear?”

“Well, that depends. Do you want to look like a sexy motherfucker or do you want to be safe? What you should be asking is, should I portray myself as finally wanting to nail his ass—“

“Hey.”

“— and have my wicked way with him—“

“Come on now.”

“—seriously? You’re asking me what to wear and you’re trying to dismiss the fact that you want to boink him? I’ve seen that look on your face every time you text. You are the only grown man I know who served in the military who uses that penguin emoticon and still thinks, ‘it’s just dinner’ for fuck’s sake.” Aoba _sighs_.

So it was a penguin. Huh. Tenzou had been right.

“He uses an egg.” Tenzou knows it’s a lame comeback. But he finds Iruka’s egg emoticon adorable. Just like Iruka. It expresses him really well, too.

“He’s a kindergarten teacher. He gets a free pass. You, however, work at a gourmet fast food joint. Shut the fuck up.” Aoba _rolls_ his eyes.

A moment of silence descends upon them, and Tenzou still doesn’t have his answer. He rubs the back of his head and then tentatively asks, “But what do I wear though?”

“Just wear the navy button down shirt, first two buttons done, roll the sleeves up to your forearms, black denims, belt and white sneakers. Comb your hair back. And don’t overdo the gel. You don’t want to look a shady sleaze.” Aoba waves his hand, like he’s shooing a fly.

Tenzou watches Aoba take out his phone to play Sudoku. He’s a good guy. Someone who also served in the military and actually loves cooking. Half the reason for Mos Burgers success is due to Aoba’s passion for coming up with new secret sauces. There’s talk that he’s in line to become a partner, but still wants to work the kitchen.

So blue shirt it is.

Tenzou reminds himself to pick up some gel. And more deodorant.

*

**Allergic to shellfish? Or seafood?**

**No, not really.**

**Then I hope you don’t mind sushi. Shall we meet at the eastern exit of Naka shrine train station?**

**Sure! I’ll be there! See you tomorrow, Tenzou!**  
A happily waving egg emoticon.

A thumbs-up penguin emoticon.

*

According to his TV dramas, first dates must be accompanied by a small present. This can come in the shape of a bouquet.

It seems a little stupid to give Iruka a giant ass bouquet because he’d have to lug the thing around, so Tenzou settles for a pair of buttercups, which according to the Yamanaka flower shop, symbolizes attraction. Tenzou has been masturbating to Iruka for months now. He’s taken to putting cream in his hands and looking up side effects of masturbating too much on google just in case he develops some sort of disease or syndrome because this cannot be a healthy thing.  
  
The flowers is the epitome of everything Tenzou feels for Iruka.

He loves his laugh, his stories about his class, his adventures when he had been a university student, his bold and unabashed way of expressing himself, how Iruka vacillates between two extremes, sometimes extremely shy, polite and bashful only to flip and become, bold, forward and daring. Iruka wears his heart on his sleeve, has the patience of a saint and is just terribly cute and pretty with those dimples of his. And that ass. And that smile. And Tenzou knows there’s a nice dick in there too. He’s lean and makes polo shirts and sweaters look _good_. He can be dorky, quirky and utterly sexy all at the same time. He has the dumbest jokes, the silliest stories, has been put into situations amongst his friends that had it been Tenzou, he would have castrated those friends. Or die on the spot. It’s the same thing. He’d be dead for being wanted for murder; castrating someone makes them bleed out real fast. Tenzou knows this for a fact. He’s done it for ANBU while torturing and interrogating his victims or targets.

Iruka is a lovely person and Tenzou just wants to give him a good date. He wants to wash off that horrible Mizuki debacle. Not a day goes by where Tenzou’s cock doesn’t thank the heavens with a morning hard on for Iruka getting dumped by that stinky, ungrateful bastard.

So there Tenzou is, standing by the Naka shrine train station, looking at his watch and trying not to squeeze the stems of the buttercups too hard. The sushi place he had picked is just across the main street to the left. Tenzou can see the red and black illuminated signage from where he’s standing.

His phone pings in three rapid successions, which makes Tenzou frown because how stupid would it be if Iruka suddenly cancels.

 **Running late. I missed the train!**  
A bowing for forgiveness egg emoticon.  
An egg saying, I’m sorry! emoticon.

  
Tenzou sighs a soft breath of relief and responds.  
  
 **No problem. I’m standing by the entrance.**  
A thumbs-up penguin emoticon.  
  
He really needs to use a better emoticon. The thumbs up penguin is getting a little boring.

*

“I’m so sorry,” Iruka huffs, bending over, looking a little haggard and rumpled having rushed up the escalator and stairs, it seems.

Tenzou looks at him and rubs gentle circles on his back, patting Iruka gently, letting him catch his breath. Iruka looks wonderful as always, dressed in jeans and a button down white shirt with tiny, almost dot like floral prints and white smart-casual sneakers. Like Tenzou, Iruka had rolled the sleeves up to his elbows, giving him a more of a relaxed look, his hair up in a neat bun save for the few short strands of his bangs falling free from his rush.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it, uhhhh—“ Tenzou thrusts the flowers at Iruka. “—here!”

Iruka stares.

Tenzou stares.

The crowd moves and mills about them.

Suddenly, Iruka is flushing to the roots of his hair, as he shakily takes the flower. “Thank you…”

It comes out shy.

And cute.

And gosh, Iruka is just so lovely, Tenzou wants to fuck him right now.

Internally, Tenzou starts screeching at his cock to behave.

“I hope you’re not allergic,” Tenzou lamely says.

“N-No, these are – these are lovely, Tenzou. Thank you. It’s – ah, I haven’t been given flowers in a really long time, that’s all. So I’m just a little surprised,” Iruka says, his flush darkening as he rubs the edge of his scar with a finger, looking sheepish.

“Well, hopefully if this date doesn’t make your run for the hills, maybe more to follow?” Tenzou asks, tentatively.

“That would be nice.” Iruka stares at his flowers, something soft crossing his features. “I really like you, Tenzou…”

Tenzou’s stomach _swoops_ inwards, as his throat goes dry. With a bit of a twitch he reaches out for Iruka’s fingers, looping his index and middle finger around Iruka’s. “I never told you this, but I’m really, really glad you yelled-texted me.” A beat. “And that Mizuki dumped you. And you cancelled him.”

Iruka’s smile, as Tenzou leads him to Mori Sushi, is absolutely incandescent.

He is easily, the most beautiful thing walking Konoha’s streets that night.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone cares, this is the emoticon these two are using:
> 
> Iruka - gudetama emoticon (Rika got it right LMAO)  
> Tenzou - Badtz-maru emoticon
> 
> Yes Sanrio. Yes it's a series. Oh my god who punched the screen at their stupidity? Me! I'm enjoying this a little too much.
> 
> Feel free to yell at me. Either in the comments or tumblr @pinkcatharsis


End file.
